Parenting 101 – The Gift of Wings

Of all the gifts a parent can give a child, the gift of wings is probably the most difficult. Most parents are nurturers, and they will do anything possible to protect their children. Giving children wings means allowing them to make decisions, which is a test of all the parents have taught along the way.

Wings begin the first day a parent allows the child to play outside alone, the first day the child walks into school alone, and the first overnight visit with someone besides family. Dating and driving a car alone come shortly after. After years of being “in charge,” the parent must trust that his son or daughter will make wise choices, as will the others he or she is with.

Our church had a bus wreck on the way to a retreat when our daughter was a baby, and nineteen young people died. The first time I put my two older children on a bus to a church retreat, I was a basket case. I cried for three hours after they left. I let fear consume me.

While they were gone, I realized that God loved them even more than I did, and I had to trust their safety to Him. It was a life-changing event.

No one can assure the safety of our children. We live in a world where bad things happen. I learned I had to rely on God to care for them, and the training my husband and I gave them would allow them to make wise decisions. It is not an easy thing.

Cell phones and apps did not exist when our children were growing up, and we did not know where they were every moment, but I think that may have been a blessing. Today, parents can trace their children’s every move, and I believe that makes it even harder to let go when the time comes. Be wise in reducing your watch care.

When my youngest son was in high school, he asked why he had to be in at a specific time. “Don’t you trust me?” I assured him that I trusted him, but I did not everyone else who would be out later than his curfew.

For years, a plaque hung in our home that read, “The most important gifts we give our children are roots and wings.”

I felt my children were a gift given to me by God to love and protect. So how do I give them wings and keep them safe? These are some of the ways I found:

• Invest in their lives by teaching them the dangers to watch for. This generation faces challenges we did not even imagine. Don’t hide your head in the sand about what those are. Educate them about drugs, alcohol, and stranger danger.
• Trust them in small things and move to the more significant issues as they mature. Prom night does not fall under the same rules as dinner and a movie. Set reasonable curfews, and then change your expectations as they prove they are trustworthy. A family I know of set three alarm clocks and expected each child to turn off the alarm when they came in. I am not sure the parents ever went to sleep, but it gave the children a sense of responsibility for being in on time.
• Encourage them to check in with you if they are late. Things happen, but it should never become a habit to be late.
• Pray for guidance in the freedoms you allow and bathe them in prayer, even when they are no longer in your home.
• Don’t make trust a one-way street. Help your children know that they can trust you to keep your word by not checking on their every move.
• Return the courtesy by checking in when you will be late.
• Most importantly, tend the roots you have established as they were growing up.

Your children will probably make mistakes, but that can happen even if you are at their sides every moment. If possible, guide them to rectify the errors, but don’t lay a guilt trip on them. Again, each day is the first day of the rest of their lives. If you walk them through mistakes with love, you will not suffer the loss of a broken relationship. A child needs to know that his parents will be in his corner even when the world goes awry.

I am not attempting to make this sound easy, and it definitely isn’t! Letting go is one of the most difficult challenges we face as parents. However, if you have planted roots in their lives, you will find that the wings will be far more manageable. Be sure that both you and your children are rooted in scripture and the love of God. He will walk you through the challenges because His love never fails.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua1:9

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When my youngest son was in high school, he asked why he had to be in at a specific time. “Don’t you trust me?” I assured him that I trusted him, but I did not everyone else who would be out later than his curfew.

For years, a plaque hung in our home that read, “The most important gifts we give our children are roots and wings.”

I felt my children were a gift given to me by God to love and protect. So how do I give them wings and keep them safe? These are some of the ways I found: