One of the most important gifts we can give our children is the gift of roots. As a mother, grandmother, teacher, and now a CASA volunteer, I have seen the need for children to feel valued and belong. The longing for roots is why children in the foster care system who are not given a stable, loving home age out of the system and return to the exact condition they were removed from. They long for a family connection.
As a parent, one needs to provide an atmosphere of acceptance. Even when the child messes up, he needs to know that this is the first day of the rest of his life, and he has the opportunity to begin again. Parents have the unique opportunity to correct behavior while still showing the child he is loved and valued.
Roots mean a child has a place to come home to. A child in my son’s second-grade class many years ago suffered public humiliation at the hands of his parents. My son wept in my arms, saying, “Oh Mama, who do you have to love you when your mommy and daddy turn against you?” We must be a refuge for hurting hearts and a haven for joy.
Roots mean that a parent grounds a child spiritually. Children are only in our homes for a short time, and we need to give them a foundation that includes knowing that God loves them unconditionally. The world will often be unkind, but God loved us so much that He sacrificed His own Son that we might know that love personally. Our children need that as a basis for their lives.
Roots recognize the child’s limitations and celebrate the child’s accomplishments. Not every child will be a star athlete or outstanding student, and showing up and doing the best he can is a reason to celebrate a child’s accomplishments.
When my daughter was in high school, I asked her coach if she played well, and he answered was, “She’s an excellent basketball player.”
My reply, “Coach, if you will tell her that, she will play her heart out for you. She is used to being told when she does something well.” He began some team-building activities that built all the team’s self-esteem, and those girls won district for the first time in years. Children respond to sincere praise, and they need the reinforcement that they are doing the best they can, win or lose.
While there are no foolproof ways to create roots, the following are starting places:
- Establish family time and traditions. Carve out two hours a week dedicated to doing something as a family. Include everyone. Make sure that holidays have meaning, and make them unique to your family dynamic.
- Choose a time to ban phones and talk to each other. Add that to the family time or mealtime.
- Worship together. Nothing gives a family roots better than a shared love of God.
- Be involved in your children’s lives – friends, activities, and dreams.
No one denies that these things take time, but nothing is sweeter than the door opening and a voice calling out, “Mom, Dad, I’m home.”
“Children are a gift from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
Psalm 173:3 NIV
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